As I began to move upward, the first “block” I hit was that of guilt and shame. I had guilt from this lifetime – from putting myself into situations that did not fit my highest good – and I also had guilt reaching back many lifetimes. I remember being born with this guilt, not knowing why I felt so low of myself, and also not knowing how to clear it away. Of course these uncleared feelings only lead me on a karmic journey of self-sabotage and low self-esteem.
These feelings of guilt even pervaded into the stories of my abuse as a child. I felt ashamed for having been hurt by others, all because I hadn’t let these feelings be healed at the soul level. Even my twin flame at one point would ask me, “Why do you feel guilty if you haven’t actually done anything to be ashamed of?”
But now I know that the answer was deeper than that. I had guilt from past lives, I had shame from my mother’s lineage in my DNA, and I had guilt as a soul for having chosen to put myself through these situations. I was ashamed of the hurtful things I had said and done to my twin flame throughout our purification process, and I was ashamed of my past self-sabotage – of not loving myself the way he had always loved me. And as I looked into my twin flame’s eyes – my true reflection – I felt it all.
So how do we deal with these feelings in particular? Part of the answer lies in the general “formula” of ascension: as these parts of ourselves are “unlocked” from within us and come up to the surface, they are ready to be cleared and healed if we will allow it. We can open up to above and let these feelings flow from us and into the light where they are transmuted. All we need to do is ask for this healing (St. Germaine’s violet flame is invaluable).
But there is another component that is needed to help us through these intense feelings – self-love and a change in perspective. As we feel these intense and normally negative emotions come up to the surface, we tend to want to turn and run from them. But this in turn, is actually running from ourselves (the basis of twin flame running, by the way). No one can run and hide forever, though, as you will have to clear and face these emotions eventually.
So instead of running, or trying to rebury these emotions deep within us, love. Turn around and face yourself, with all your shadows and all your guilt. And as you allow Spirit to take it away from you, embrace yourself fully. Let yourself feel love from within and accept all those parts of your past and your present. Do not wait for your twin to give you this love, or for your parents to finally accept you in all your different shades. This, you must do for yourself first before you can be truly open to receiving this from anyone else.
Be thankful for the lessons you have been put through, and for the karma that you are allowed to clear now. Be thankful to your higher self for allowing you to experience these painful situations that you can now transmute as you move upwards. There is no shame in what you have experienced. These are the situations that we were meant to transmute by incarnating on earth. Do not feel guilty for that – feel empowered, for you are able and willing to do this. Shift your focus from, “Why have I put myself through so much?” to, “This path has made me stronger and more resilient than I would have ever been before this. I have learned my lessons, I love myself enough to release the bonds of my past, and I forgive myself and others fully.”
Remember that this upwards path is not meant to keep us in lower levels, in negative feelings and thoughts. This is a journey back to unconditional love – for yourself and towards others. The first step is to use your twin flame separation, or hitting “rock bottom”, to cultivate that love for yourself and all of your beautiful faults. Only when we can bathe every part of ourselves in unconditional love can we transmute the darkness into light. And only when we give that divine love to ourselves can we truly be open to receiving it from others.
I thought I had cultivated all the self-love possible until I met my twin flame. Throughout the trials, and all the pain that has resurfaced, I have found my way back to my true nature – loving and nurturing, and without room for shame or guilt. Let this process show you where you still need to grow and love your imperfect self. Allow yourself to be guided upward into a higher vibration of love and gratitude for all experiences in life. And then find your true self in that light from above and within.
Trust that as you move upward and become this light and love more wholly, your outside world will reflect this. Your interactions with others will be more positive, and your “downward spirals” will only support you as you go higher and higher. Always remember, “As above, so below. As within, so without.”
Ditch the guilt and shame. Do things that make you happy, that feed your soul. Take walks in nature, write, paint, teach – find out where you feel most at peace and most in love with yourself and bring that feeling into your daily life. Forgive yourself, play, and find joy in taking care of yourself first. You are an expansive soul, waiting to step into your own love and light. Trust that, and be that. Let it all flow.
Stand in the truth that even though you are imperfect, you are the most loving person you will ever meet in all your lifetimes. Let the universe reflect this back to you.
As always, I’m sending you lots and lots of love and blessings!!!!